Ada County

Photo courtesy of Justice Wayne Kidwell, Idaho Supreme Court, Retired

Twenty Facts About Divorce

These "facts" are based upon the following book: Ackerman, Marc (1997). Does Wednesday Mean Momís House or Dadís? Parenting Together While Living Apart.

  1. Divorce is always painful for children, no matter how old they are.
  2. Divorce does not end the relationship between you and your spouse, it just changes the rules of the relationship.
  3. You are not the only parent going through divorce.
  4. You do not have to hate your spouse to get divorced.
  5. The divorce takes place psychologically for children on the day of the separation.
  6. Two people living apart cannot live as cheaply as two people living together.
  7. Two people living apart cannot see their children as often as two people living together.
  8. Divorcing parents generally are upset by any extra time the other parent may have with the children.
  9. Courts do not want to place children with a parent who is systematically trying to destroy the other parent.
  10. Never ask a child to decide who he or she wants to live with.
  11. You should be willing to do whatever you want your spouse (or ex-spouse) to do.
  12. Unhappy parents cannot raise happy children.
  13. Child support payments are intended to support your children, not to serve as extra spending money for your ex-spouse.
  14. When parents live apart, children have more opportunities to manipulate them.
  15. It is hard when children cannot spend time with someone they love.
  16. A parent should not become a "friend" for their child(ren) and a child should not become a parent or a "friend" to their parent(s).
  17. The more consistency parents provide in their childrenís lives, the healthier the childrenís adjustment will be.
  18. The more flexibility a parent has regarding placement and visitation arrangements, the more comfortable children are likely to be.
  19. Divorce is a process, not an event.
  20. WINNING IS NEVER MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WELL-BEING OF YOUR CHILDREN.