Ada County

Photo courtesy of Justice Wayne Kidwell, Idaho Supreme Court, Retired

Recommended Reading and On-Line Resources for the Family

Recommended Books For Pre-Schoolers

Was It The Chocolate Pudding? By Sandra Levins, Magination, Press 2006
When a young boy’s parents divorce, he thinks it’s because of the chocolate pudding he and his brother smeared all over the wall. If only he had a spoon! With this gentle story, young children can begin to understand that divorce is about grown-up problems, while getting comforting answers to their most pressing questions. Includes a comprehensive afterword for parents written by children’s author and psychologist Jane Annunziata about helping children deal with common but difficult emotions and reactions to separation and divorce.

It’s Not Your Fault Koko Bear by Vicki Lansky, Book Peddlers, 1998
Helps children learn about what divorce means, talks about how they are feeling, be assured that their parents still love them and understand the divorce was not caused by them.

When Mom and Dad Separate by Marge Heegaard, Woodland Press 1991
This book is part of a series called Drawing Out Feelings designed to provide parents, educators and counselors an organized approach to help children cope with grief from family loss and change.

The Dinosaurs Divorce by Laureen K. Brown & Marc Brown, Little 1988
Reassures children of all ages about why parents divorce, what happens to children having two homes, celebrating holidays, telling their friends, living with or having step-parents, step-sisters, and step-brothers. Children may want to have it read to them over and over.

Don’t fall Apart on Saturdays! By Adolph Moser, Landmark House 2000
Discusses the problems children experience when their parents divorce. It clears up misunderstandings that children may have and suggests ways in which they can help themselves get through a very difficult time.

Let’s Talk About It: Divorce by Fred Rogers; G P Putnam & Sons, 1996.
For children of all ages . . . helpful information from the individual children have come to trust.

Tots Are Non-Divorceable: A Workbook For Divorced Parents And Their Children Ages Birth To 5 Years by Sara Bonkowski, ACTA Publications, 1998.  Practical tips and exercises for parents and children to work through together in order to enhance children’s understandings about divorce and parents who live apart.

My Stick Family: Helping Children Cope With Divorce by Jatalie June Reilly and Brandi J. Pavese, New Horizon Press, 2003. 
Exposes children to the process of readjusting to family life after divorce, reassures kids parents don’t stop being parents when they stop being married to one another. 

Recommended Books For School-Aged Children

A Smart Girl’s Guide to Her Parents’ Divorce by Nancy Holyoke, American Girl 2009

The Dinosaur’s Divorce by Laureen K. Brown & Marc Brown, Little Brown, 1988.
Reassures children of all ages about why parents divorce, what happens to children, having two homes, celebrating holidays, telling their friends, living with or having step-parents, step-sisters, and step-brothers.  Children may want to have it read to them over and over.

Let’s Talk About It: Divorce by Fred Rogers; G P Putnam & Sons, 1996.
For children of all ages . . . helpful information from the individual children have come to trust.

It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear by Vicki Lansky, Book Peddlers, 1998.
Helps children learn about what divorce means, talk about how they are feeling, be assured their parents still love them and to understand the divorce was not caused by them.

Tots Are Non Divorceable:  A Workbook For Divorced Parents And Their Children Ages Birth To 5 Years by Sara Bonkowski, ACTA Publications, 1998. 
Practical tips and exercises for parents and children to work through together in order to enhance children’s understandings about divorce and parents who live apart.

My Stick Family: Helping Children Cope With Divorce by Jatalie June Reilly and Brandi J. Pavese, New Horizon Press, 2003. 
Exposes children to the process of readjusting to family life after divorce, reassures kids parents don’t stop being parents when they stop being married to one another.

Let’s Talk About It:  Divorce by Fred Rogers and Jim Judkis, Penguin Group, 1996.
Mr. Rogers offers support and validation about the variety of emotions children may experience during divorce by providing concrete examples for how to deal with the potentially scary changes they are facing. 

At Daddy’s On Saturdays by Linda W. Girard; Albert Whitman & Co., 1991.
Katie’s daddy moves out when he and her mommy get divorced.  Katie is angry, sad, and very afraid her daddy will never come back.  Katie learns that even though her parents can’t live together anymore, they both still love her, and will always be her mommy and daddy.

Break-Up by Gianni Padoan; Childs Play, 1991.
When Doe’s dad leaves home, it is the worst day of his life.  As he realizes both his parents still love him, he is more  able to adjust to the new reality.

Divorced But Still My Parents by Shirley Thomas and Dorothy Rankin, Springboard Publications, 1997.
A helping-book about divorce for children and parents.  Includes a story about a kitten whose parents get a divorce, some explanations for children about what happens during a divorce, and workbook type activities for children to do that will help them deal with their thoughts and feelings about the divorce.

Our Family Is Divorcing: A Read-Aloud Book for Families Experiencing Divorce by Patricia Johnson & Donna Williams; Resource Publications, 1996. 
For children of all ages. A story about a family going through divorce and how both the children and parents feel about what is happening.  A great book for prompting discussion of children’s feelings about what is happening in their family; includes a section with questions for discussion.  May be read aloud to early primary school age children, or older children (grades 3+) will be able to read the book themselves.

Mom & Dad Don’t Live Together Anymore by Kathy Stinson; Annick Press, 1985

What’s Going To Happen To Me? By Eda LeShan, Aladdin Books, 1986
Most kids are taken by surprise by divorce no matter how long they’ve known their parents have been unhappy.  Some kids feel relieved to imagine the fighting will end, others feel guilty thinking they are to blame.  Simple and direct  suggestions for positive ways of coping for children.

Two Homes by Claire Massurel, Kady MacDonald Denton (Illustrator), Candlewick Press, 2001.
This book focuses on the potentially positive aspects of parenting from two different homes by exploring how diversity and change in environment, if nurturing and stable, can provide children with a sense of security and ability to grow in healthy, dynamic ways. 

Recommended Books For Teens and Pre-Teens

Mom’s House, Dad’s House For Kids by Isolina Ricci, Touchstone 2006.
Advice on maneuvering the emotional, logistical, and legal realities of separation, divorce, and step-families to speak directly to children. Along with practical ways to cope with big changes, she offers older children and their families key resiliency tools that kids can use now and the rest of their lives. Kids and families are encouraged to believe in themselves, to take heart, and to plan for their lives ahead.

Now What Do I Do? By Lynn Casella-Kapusinski, Acta 2006
A workbook for teens that helps them flush out their feelings and fears. The author writes with a style that teens can easily relate to without feeling talked down to. The empathetic tone of Now What Do I Do? helps teens confront and define their losses, guiding them through their grief and other difficulties that can result from their parents’ separation or divorce, whether the breakup is recent or years in the past. Each chapter includes exercises and activities that can be done alone or with friends. Now What Do I Do? helps teens remove feelings of guilt, know the steps to emotional recovery, improve communication with parents, re-examine family ties, avoid the parental war zone, deal with anger, find comfort in faith and friends, learn to forgive.

For Better, For Worse:  A Guide To Surviving Divorce For Pre-teens And Familiesby Janet Bode and Stan Mack, Simon & Schuster, 2000. 
This book contains the narratives of young people who have experienced divorce first hand and includes an advice section for adults. 

My Parents Are Divorced, Too:  A Book For Kids By Kids by Melanie Ford as told to Jan Blackstone-Ford and Steven Ford, American Psychological Association, 1998. 
Personal stories and understandings of divorce from the young people themselves who have experienced it.  This descriptive book deals with the reality children of divorce live and is very accessible for readers 8-13.

What Can I Do?  A Book For Children Of Divorce by Danielle Lowry and Bonnie Matthews (Illustrator), American Psychological Association, 2001. 
Written by a New York counselor, this book assists children in working through their feelings relating to divorce, specifically those that help them come to terms with the changes in their family structure. 

What In The World Do You Do When Your Parents Divorce? A Survival Guide For Kids by Roberta Beyer and Kent Winchester, Free Spirit Publishing, Inc. 2001.
This book deals with the range of issues surrounding children and divorce to include the details and range of what children in this process worry about. 

Speaking Of Divorce: How To Talk With Your Kids And Help Them Cope by Roberta Beyer and Kent Winchester, Free Spirit Publishing, Inc., 2001. 

Our Family Is Divorcing: A Read-Aloud Book For Families Experiencing Divorce by Patricia Polin Johnson , with Donna Reilly Williams, Resource Publications, Inc., 1996. Part of the “Helping Children Who Hurt” series.

The Divorce Helpbook For Kids by Cynthia MacGregor, Impact Publishers Inc., 2001.
A guide to dealing  with divorce by offering explanations for the various reasons divorce occurs, discussing  the experiences of children and offering ways of coping with change. 

Keeping Your Life Together When Your Parents Pull Apart:  A Teen’s Guide To Surviving Divorce by Angela Elwell Hunt, Universe, Inc., 2000.
Through stories offered by teens themselves, this book explores the feelings and thoughts of those who have experienced their parents’ divorce.  The author offers guidance from the Bible throughout this text.

Through The Eyes Of Children: Healing Stories For Children Of Divorce by Janet R. Johnston, Editor, The Free Press, 1997.
Leading authorities on child psychology contribute to this informative book on divorce.  It is useful for parents and professionals working with children healing from their parents’ divorce. 

Help!  A Girl’s Guide To Divorce And Stepfamilies by Nancy Holyoke and Scott Nash (Illustrator); Pleasant Company Publications, 1999.
This is a response to girls’ questions about divorce from beginning to end.  It incorporates tips, quizzes and advice from girls who have been there.

Divorce Is Not The End Of The World:  Zoe’s And Evan’s Coping Guide For Kids by Ellen Sue Stern, Zoe Stern and Evan Stern; Ten Speed Press, 1997.
A teenage brother and sister whose parents are divorced discuss the topics relating to their experiences, respond  to letters from other children, and offer tips. 

The Divorce Express by Paula Danziger;  Putnan Publishing Group, 1982
Ninth-grader Pheobe must deal with her split-down-the-middle life-style.  She shuttles back and forth from her weekdays with Dad to her weekends with Mom.

How It Feels When Parents Divorce by Jill Krementz; Knopf Publishing, 1988
Boys and girls, ages 7 to 16, share their experience of their parents’ divorce.  Children learn it is normal to feel shock, anger, confusion, and pain.  Children discover ways to help themselves through this difficult time.

Recommended Books For Parents

The Co-Parenting Toolkit by Isolina Ricci ,Ph.D. ,Amazon 2012
Custody and Co-parenting Solutions Publications, 2012 provides a highly readable manual for parents coping with the difficult process of co-parenting after divorce by giving specific guidelines to help them navigate the confusing process of learning how to negotiate parenting together after divorce.

Parenting After Divorce by Philip M. Stahl, Impact 2007
Information includes how to talk to your kids about divorce, long distance parenting, dealing with the courts, and working with a difficult co-parent.

Dealing With Loss: A Guidebook For Helping Your Children During And After Divorce by Herman M. Frankel, M.D.
Too often we think that divorce is about anger and bitterness. We forget that underneath the anger is sadness and loss. Unless we allow ourselves access to these more deeply buried feelings, the wounds of divorce will not heal. This booklet is a treasure of wisdom and good practical advice to parents on how to help themselves and their children grieve divorce losses.

The Co-Parenting Survival Guide: Letting Go Of Conflict After A Difficult Divorce by Elizabeth Thayer, Ph.D., and Jeffery Zimmerman, Ph.D.; New Harbinger Publications; 2001.
Discusses parental conflict, its effects on children, conflict resolution, and the importance of maintaining a successful co-parenting relationship.

We’re Still A Family-What Grown Children Have To Say About Their Parents’ Divorce by Constance Ahron’s Ph.D. 2004. Harper’s: New York.

The Good Karma Divorce by Judge Michele Lowrance. 2010. HarperCollins, New York.
How to avoid litigation, turn negative emotions into positive actions, and get on with the rest of your life.

Cooperative Parenting And Divorce by Susan Blyth Boylan, M. Ed, L.M.F.T., 1999.
This guide offers valuable information about the process and practical skills necessary to create a two household family.  It not only addresses children’s issues associated with divorce, but it focuses on you and your personal struggle to overcome the loss of your marriage.

Mom’s House, Dad’s House: Making Two Homes For Your Child by Isolina Ricci, Ph.D.; Fireside; 1997. 
A complete guide for parents who are separated, divorced, or remarried. This comprehensive guide looks at the needs of all concerned with creative options and commonsense advice to creating two happy and stable homes for your children.

Joint Custody With A Jerk: Raising A Child With An Uncooperative Ex by Julie A. Ross and Judy Corcoran; St. Martin’s Griffin; 1996. 
Topics include learning to cooperate with your ex, identifying the problems, and empowering your child.

The Visitation Handbook by Brette McWhorter Sember; Sphinx Pub; 2002. 
Speaks directly to custodial and non-custodial parents. Provides suggestions for improved communication between parents, appropriate behavior with children, and how to deal with problems of a child having two parents in two homes with two sets of rules.

Putting Children First: A Guide For Parents Breaking Up by Hanna McDonough and Christina Bartha; University of Toronto Press, 1999.
This book describes a child-centered approach for divorcing and separating parents that minimizes the potential for damage to be done to children during and after the break-up.  Advice on renegotiating the emotional and practical aspects of the child-parent relationship is offered.

50 Wonderful Ways To Be A Single-Parent Family by Barry G. Ginsberg and Roberta Israeloff; New Harbinger Publications, 2002. 
Techniques on how to talk to your kids about decision making at different ages.  Tips for developing new family traditions, balancing pressures between work and home life and establishing healthy boundaries.

Learning From Divorce:  How To Take Responsibility, Stop The Blame, Move On by Robert LaCrosse and Christine Coates; Jossey-Bass, 2003. 
Information on replacing feelings of guilt with positive feelings of hope and growth by confronting fears, flaws, and by motivating change and future hopes.  This text seeks to help readers develop a more realistic outlook about marriage and long-term commitment rooted in loyalty, compromise, and perseverance. 

Between Love And Hate by Lois Gold; Dulton/Plume, 1995
Civilized divorce: new roles and new rules; emotions of ending marriage; healing; helping children; parenting plans; handling conflict; difficult spouses.

Caught In The Middle by Carla B. Garrity and Mitchell A. Baris; Lexington Books, 1997
Protecting children of high conflict divorce.  Includes: Why Work it out; Normal vs. Conflict Visitation; Identifying Parental Alienation; Parenting Plans for High-Conflict Divorce.

Divorced Dad Dilemma by Gerald S. Mayer; Desert City Press, 2000.
Includes men’s responses to divorce and what impacts men’s relationships with their children. Suggestions on staying connected to their children; co-parenting with a former wife; being a man and providing nurturance, grieving well and letting go, being strong and offering tenderness.

Does Wednesday Mean Mom’s House Or Dad’s? by Marc Ackerman; John Wiley & Sons, 1996.
Provides some guidelines to assist parents in finding effective means for “parenting apart,” suggested strategies for helping children cope with divorce - both in the short term and for longer term, ideas for handling on-going custody problems and disputes (without necessarily going back to court), and a list of custody do’s and don’ts.  An excellent practical book that addresses both children’s needs and parental issues.

Fighting Fair For Families by Fran Schmidt & Alice Friedman; Peace Education Foundation, 1989.
Offers tools to handle conflict like a “pro” and create a more loving and caring environment for you and your family. Cartoon illustrations.

For The Sake Of The Children by Kris Kline & Stephen Pew; Prima Publishing, 1992
Communicating without condemning; breaking old habits; peaceful attendance at children’s activities; avoiding pressure to start the old fight again; children speak out about their need to love both parents; recognizing when outside guidance is needed.  Entertaining and insightful.

Helping Children Cope With Divorce by Edward Teyber; Wiley, John & Sons, Inc., 2001.
Putting children first; children’s fears of abandonment, responsibility for the breakup, and reconciliation fantasies; parental conflict and cooperation; adverse consequences when father is unavailable; child-rearing after divorce; forming new family relationships in step-families.

Helping Your Child Survive Divorce by Mary Ann Shaw, Carol Publishing Group, 1997.
A manual to help parents respond to their children’s questions and behaviors throughout the divorce process, including the years following a divorce.  Uses real examples to illustrate appropriate and inappropriate responses to children’s spoken and unspoken feelings.

101 Ways To Be A Long-Distance Super Dad - Or Mom, Too!  by George Newman; Blossom Valley Press, 2003.
Provides 101 creative, practical ideas for maintaining and enriching the parent-child relationship across the miles and overcoming barriers posed by distance.

Parents Are Forever by Shirley Thomas; Springboard Publications, 1995
Easy to use, to-the-point guide helps children avoid terrible and unnecessary pain.  How to solve common problems, divide parenting time, talk to children, deal with anger, avoid blame and put children’s needs first.

Vicki Lansky’s Divorce Book For Parents by Vicki Lansky; Signet, 2000
Practical, easy to understand, and on-target. Age-specific reactions of children and how to respond; “divorce-speak,” shared parenting; keeping ex-spouses from being ex-parents; long distance parenting.

Painful Partings:  Divorce And Its Aftermath by Lita Linzer Schwartz and Florence W. Kaslow; Wiley, John & Sons, 1997.

Healthy Divorce: For Parents And Children – An Original, Clinically Proven Program For Working Through The Fourteen Stages Of Separation, Divorce, And Remarriage by Craig Everett and Sandra Volgy Everett; Jossey-Bass, 1998.

The Unexpected Legacy Of Divorce: The 25 Year Landmark Study by Judith S. Wallerstein, Julie Lewis, Sandra Blakeslee; Hyperion Press, 2000.

For Better Or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered by E. Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly; Norton, W. W. & Company, Inc., 2003.

Adult Children Of Divorced Parents:  Making Your Marriage Work by Beverly Rodgers and Tom Rodgers; Resource Publications, Inc., 2002

Moving Beyond Your Parents’ Divorce by Mel Krantzier and Patricia B. Krantzier; Contemporary Books, Inc., 2003.

Crazy Time:  Surviving Divorce And Building A New Life by Abigail Trafford; HarperCollins Publishers, 1992.

How To Help Your Child Overcome Your Divorce: A Support Guide by Elissa P. Benedek and Catherine F. Brown; Newmarket Press, 2001.

Second Chances: Men, Women And Children A Decade After Divorce by Sandra Blakeslee and Judith Wallerstein; Houghton Mifflin Company, 1996.

The Divorced Dad’s Survival Book: How To Stay Connected With Our Kids by David Knox and Kermit Leggett; Perseus Publishing, 2000.

Making Divorce Easier On Your Child:  50 Effective Ways To Help Children Adjust by Nicholas Long and Rex L. Forehand; McGraw-Hill Companies, 2002.

Good Parenting Through Your Divorce:  How To Recognize, Encourage And Respond To Your Child’s Feelings And Help Them Get Through Your Divorce by Mary Ellen Hannibal and Judge Ina Gyemant; Avaion Publishing Group, 2002.

Growing Up With Divorce: Helping Your Children Avoid Immediate And Later Emotional Problems by Neil Kalter; Random House Publishing Group, 1991.

Why Did You Have To Get A Divorce? And When Can I Get A Hamster? by Anthony E. Wolf; Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1998.

Parenting After Divorce: A Guide To Resolving Conflicts And Meeting Children’s Needs by Philip Michael Stahl; Impact Publishers, Inc., 2000.

Divorce And New Beginnings: A Complete Guide To Recovery, Solo And Co-Parenting And Stepfamilies by Genevieve Clapp; Wiley, John & Sons, Inc., 2000.

Helping Children Cope With Divorce by Rosemary Wells; International Publishers Marketing; 2003. 

Helping Children Survive Divorce: What To Expect, How To HELP by Archibald D. Hart; Thomas Nelson, 1996.

When Children Grieve: For Adults To Help Children Deal With Death, Loss, Moving And Other Losses by John W. James, Russell Friedman with Dr. Leslie Landon Matthews; HarperCollins Publishers, 2001.

For The Sake Of The Children: How To Share Your Children With Your Ex-Spouse In Spite Of Your Anger by Kris Kline and Stephen Pew; Universe, Inc., 2000.

Custody Chaos, Personal Peace: Sharing Custody With An Ex Who’s Driving You Crazy by Jeffrey P. Whittmann; Perigee, 2001.

Family Rules: Helping Stepfamilies And Single Parents Build Happy Homes by Jeannette Lofas; Kensington Publishing Corporation; 1998. 

The Stepparent’s Survival Guide: A Workbook For Creating A Happy Blended Family by Suzen J. Ziegahn; New Harbinger Publications; 2002.

Stepfamilies: Love, Marriage, And Parenting In The First Decade by James H. Bray and John Kelly; Broadway Books; 1999. 

Making The Best Of Second Best:  A Guide To Positive Step-Parenting by Kathleen Fox; Foxcraft, Inc.; 1998.

On-Line Resources

For Children, Pre-Teens, Teens, and Adults

Families change.ca - has a simple guide for children of all ages to learn about divorce and separation, a youth guide that helps kids learn strategies to deal with a family reorganization and a guide for parents going through divorce and separation. http://www.familieschange.ca/index.htm.

For School-Age Children

Sesame Street - has a website for younger children with families who are going through divorce. http://www.sesamestreet.org/parents/topicsandactivities/toolkits/divorce.

PBS For Kids  –  Another great resource for kids providing general information about divorce: what it is, how it affects families and individuals. The site offers activities and quizzes to help children as well.    http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/family/divorce/index.html.

For Pre-Teens and Teens

Kidshealth.org - This website offers information for children about the divorce process, how to deal with feelings associated with divorce and what to potentially expect. There is an additional section for teens as well. http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/families/divorce.html.

For Parents

UpToParents.org – Provides information to parents who are divorcing and information tailored to parents who were never married. Like children of divorce, children of unmarried parents can have special needs as they grow up between two homes.  You will find on this unique website your best defense against unnecessary hurt, turmoil, and expense. They also have a section for parents where domestic violence is an issue. www.uptoparents.org.

Parents Corner - Our Parents Corner offers short articles and videos that parents have referred to as everything from eye-opening to life-changing.  Enjoy them at your leisure.    http://www.uptoparents.org/parents.aspx.

CoParentingToday.com -  is the online presence for Custody & CoParenting Solutions (CCPS) offering education, publications, and consultation. CCPS services take a fresh look at the challenges families face today incorporating the shifts in family patterns, family law, and the latest brain research on how we learn, manage stress, change, and emotions. The newest CCPS publication is The CoParenting Toolkit: The essential supplement for Mom's House, Dad's House. You may also read and download current articles and tips for parents. http://www.thecoparentingtoolkit.com/coparentingtoday.html

Planning for Parenting Time - provides information about parenting schedules, information about long-distance parenting, absent parents reunifying, blended (step) families, children who don’t want to spend time with a parent, contact with an incarcerated parent, high conflict, military families, never married families, special needs children, third-party involvement, safety focused parenting plans, domestic violence, alcohol or drug use, protective orders, alternative dispute resolution, and information about assessments. http://www.cmcmontana.org/html/programs/familyPlan_PDF/planningForParentingTime-GuideForParentsLivingApart.pdf.

Free On-Line Parenting Classes

FamiliesChange.ca. – This online course helps parents make informed decisions about their separation, putting the children’s needs first. This on-line Parenting After Separation (PAS) course does not replace Ada County's Focus on Children class. http://www.familieschange.ca/notice.htm

Resources for a Small Fee

OurFamilyWizard - Helps divorce or separated families communicate, share, organize, manage, calendar, document and exchange information. Currently priced for each parent as follows:
$55.00 for a 6-month subscription
99.00 for a one-year subscription
$179.00 for a two-year subscription
Child Accounts:  Each child is given access to a child account.  These accounts are free of charge.
www.OurFamilyWizard.com